Mike Oppenheim is a 29 year old human living in Oakland, CA. He likes to wake up, he hates going to sleep, he really enjoys chips and salsa (chips optional). He enjoys talking more than writing. People like to tell him that he’s a good, nice guy, and that his observations are “Like, pretty cool and out there, man!” These people may be right; he has had some publishing success. You wanna root for him! Trust me. 
In an interview with Fake Magazine on March 6th, fake year, when asked to share his influences, Mr. Oppenheim said, “The Beatles, Pink Floyd, Kurt Vonnegut, Aldous Huxley, John Steinbeck, Stanley Kubrick, Chris Farley and my nagging ego.” Seconds later he interrupted himself and asked for a retraction, stating, “I am my own influence,” because he thought that sounded mature. He was wrong, but one can never change the fake past.
Mr. Oppenheim earned a Master of Fine Arts degree in English and Creative Writing from Mills College in 2011. He has a certificate in TESOL education from UC Berkeley Extension. He has written three novels: Dysfunction (2007), Baby Doll (The Book) (2010), and Evelina–A Modern Fairy Tale (2011). He is the published author of several short stories, essays, and editorials. He teaches Writing, Grammar, and Literature (all things English) and delivers advice and hyperbole with alacrity and ease.
So be it.
